Tag Archives: disastor

How A Weirdo Packs for a Vegan Vacation

I imagine most rational people like to make sure they have everything they need when they pack for a vacation, so they might give themselves a couple of days to pack just in case they forgot something. This makes so much sense it makes me want to cry at how simple these types of things should be.  If I start packing in advance here’s what happens to me:

I frantically pack everything I can think of in a span of 5 minutes, but am very annoyed and disappointed in at myself for not automatically knowing everything I need immediately. This should be simple right??? Then I check for obvious things like 20 times.  

Am I sure I got enough socks?? Will they be good socks or socks that my shoes eat?? Comfy undies or ridiculous stupid undies I will never wear ever? I throw in more just to be sure.

 Over the next two days the suitcase haunts me, slowly infiltrating my every thought, ruining all potentially happy moments.  


 I have visions of every possible scenario of things I might forget running through my head. Like what would happen if I forgot to pack a jacket: 

I would get ready for a perfect night out, dining at a veggie restaurant under the stars, only to realize I have no jacket. In this imaginary setting my perfect vacation night is ruined because I am not only cold, but also angry and disappointed in myself for being a stupid non jacket packer. I had so much time to pack jacket, why did I forget it!?!?! I actually get so mad at my future imaginary self for having forgotten to pack the jacket that I walk around looking pissed off at everything.

Sometimes in an attempt to gain control over my desperate mental state I will just sit and glare at my suitcase, as if maybe it will stop existing if I stare hard enough. I hate the suitcase for these terrible feelings it has caused. I’m not sure what I actually expect to happen in this situation, maybe I think if I hurt the suitcase enough with my angry eyes, it will get up and pack itself??? 


Unfortunately this tactic has never produced the desired results, but it doesn’t stop me from trying.  


This suitcase packing basically ruins my life for the next two days, and by the time we actually leave for the trip the suitcase is so freaking heavy that the attendant tells me it’s overweight.  So I end up having to carry on an extra 5 pounds of luggage and literally have underwear stuffed in my pockets. 

 When I get to my destination I open my suitcase, only to realize I have actually packed a months worth of unmatched socks and underwear for this weekend getaway.  


I have thankfully discovered the solution to this problem! 

While I may not be able to pack in advance like a normal human being, if I pack immediately before the trip, like 30 minutes of frantically scurrying around grabbing handfuls of anything I can find and finish literally 30 seconds after the taxi arrives, then I can avoid all of the aforementioned stresses.

  I get to the airport totally disheveled, but my suitcase is not overweight!  Also no matter what I forget I feel very accomplished for performing so quickly and under such stress.  No one else is quite as fast or amazing at packing as I am, I decide.  I must have such a brilliant mind to be able to think of all I need to pack so quickly!!  


  I of course forget many important things, like my jacket and my toothbrush, but I am no longer disappointed or angry at myself.  You did so great under all that pressure!! No one could have remembered everything, and besides you really wanted a new jacket!  If was actually so freaking smart of you to forget it, your sub conscience is like a genius or something!  


Filed under Funny, Getaway, Humor, Stories, Travel, Vacation, Vegan